im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
