I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
