i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
