I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
