ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They took my balls.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
