so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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