I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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