It was confusing and full of hummus
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
