sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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