Im at strip club and am horny
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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