Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
