I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
