You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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