so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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