You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
