I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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