he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
be right there i have to get my cape
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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