he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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