my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize