why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
