There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
