soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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