they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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