quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
