Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I just sharted jello shots
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
