i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
