I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
