ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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