The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
