Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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