For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I love having hate sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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