you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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