did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
