I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize