It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
