When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
