a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
