Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
