Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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