my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
