The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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