so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
