Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
