Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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