I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
