Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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