so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize