I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
