shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
