I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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