Jerry, you need to find god
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
