i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
