Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
