they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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