Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
