i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
