Welp...herpes.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
