I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
