how can u be prego again
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
