Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
