I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
