Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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