Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
