is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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