ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
