I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
