My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
