what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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