I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
