so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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