Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
