No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
vagina is talking i cant
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
